


Once a Cheater

by badwolfbadwolf



Category: James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: A teeny bit of voyeurism, A teeny bit of wanking, Anal Sex, Angst, Cheating, Guilt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 11:20:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfbadwolf/pseuds/badwolfbadwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one in which Alec and James are together, and James cheats with Q.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I was going to go with happy Bond/Q next, but I guess not. The puppies and rainbows will have to stay in the box for now.

 

Q knew it was wrong to lust after James.  So, so wrong.  James and Alec were practically married.  When both were at MI6 at the same time they were inseparable.  Of course, they were discreet at work.  They never touched, never held hands.  But everyone knew.  It was obvious in the way their eyes met, and in the way James smiled.  It had a devious little hint to it, and Q was insanely jealous every time those lips curved up for Alec.  Not like he saw them together frequently.  In fact, he and the two agents were more like cordial strangers.

Q had taken to imagining what they were like in bed together.  Who would be the one on top?  Both were so aggressive, maybe they alternated?  The thought caused his body to stir, arousal awakening with a slow burn in his belly as he reclined against his pillows.  Though they were both beautiful, it was James that Q was slowly becoming obsessed with.  He thought about the powerful body being revealed as Alec’s hands slowly undressed James.  His suits were cut so well that he could conjure up the outline of James’ form with vivid accuracy, and his eager mind filled in the rest of the blanks. 

He pictured their coupling.  Sometimes it was quick and rough, all teeth and fight and dominance.  And sometimes it was tender, and sweet, and only loving caresses.  Q liked that the best, imagining Bond’s lips feather light against his temple or along his jaw.  He was sure Bond was a very giving lover.  As he imagined Bond’s lips traveling down further, swallowing him whole, sucking gently while his fingers worked inside, Q came hard in his hand.  He wondered how happy they were.  That was not a good line of thought.  A terrible thought.  Yet, he mulled it over anyway.

 

 

Q never believed anything would really happen.  He was aloof and professional as ever at work, and wanked to the thought of two coworkers at night.  Nothing abnormal about that.  When he interacted with James (and Alec, whom he was rarely separated from), he stuck to the facts and nothing more.  He didn’t think he could trust himself to improvise anything witty, lest he give himself away. 

The two were scheduled to return from their joint mission later that day, and Q made an effort not to wait around for the pair to check in.  He certainly had enough to keep himself busy.  He was tinkering with the insides of a watch when he heard the doors to Q-branch slide open and a bawdy laughter hit his ears.

“And then M about turned red when you told him where you hid that bullet!”  Alec’s voice rang out in the quiet, and Q looked up in time to see James teeth flash in a rare and open smile.

“Q,” James said, nodding as they approached, obviously in a good mood.  Q nodded in response, absently taking in their well dressed, if not slightly banged up, appearance.  The two of them began emptying their pockets and a satchel that James had brought, leaving a small pile of what appeared to be little bits of broken tech in front of the quartermaster.  Q poked at it, a bit distastefully.

“And what’s all this?”

“Well-” began Alec, but Q waved his soldering iron immediately to cut him off.

“Nevermind.  Don’t bother.”  Alec frowned a bit, and Q tried not to notice James’ eyes trace Alec’s expression. Q returned his attention to the watch.  “You can go now.”

“What, no speech to tell us to be careful with government property this time?” James teased.  Q was certain he was attempting to get a reaction out of him.  He adjusted the heat settings on the iron to avoid looking up into the playful blue eyes.

“Why bother?  You two numbskulls will just do it again and try to pout your way out of it next time.”

“I don’t pout,” Alec said, and Q could hear the slight sulk in his voice.

“You do, just a little,” James replied.  Their laughter was light, but Q didn’t feel like joining in. 

“Q, you need to lighten up a little.”  Alec’s voice was bright again.

“I’m just fine, thanks for your input.”  Q finished his join, set down the iron, and removed his protective gloves.  He squinted at the two of them from behind his safety goggles.  James was leaning back against a desk, one hip pushed out distractingly, eyes trained on Alec’s back. Alec was fiddling with the remains of something that was once metal and whole.

“I’ve got this friend…” Alec said, flipping the piece of metal up and catching it with the same hand.  He glanced up to gauge Q’s reaction, then swallowed upon seeing the look he was receiving.  Q pushed up the safety goggles so they were resting on top of his head, pinning his wavy locks back, his expression both disinterested and annoyed at the same time.

“And you think I’m the kind of person who would like to be set up on a blind date?”  Q’s voice was dripping with irritation, and he could see a slight smirk on Bond’s lips from behind Alec.

Alec set down the metal piece on the table.  “Well, alright then.  But he’s blonde and gorgeous.  Your loss.”

Q pulled his safety goggles back over his glasses, and re-donned the orange gloves.  “Not my thing.  Buzz off, you two.”  He hunched down over the watch once more.

Q watched from the corner of his vision as Alec gave James an indiscernible look and they both turned on their heels to exit.  When the doors slid shut he let out his breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.  Seeing the two of them happy wasn’t pleasant.  It made him feel uncomfortable and guilty.  And the last thing he wanted was to be set up with one of Alec’s friends.  The thought of seeing them socially, seeing James and Alec together and happy, seeing them kiss…  Well, part of him had a sick interest in seeing that.  He shook his head to refocus, then hunkered down to the task at hand once more.

 

The following day James was sitting on a chair in front of Q, shirt sleeves rolled up, a monitor strapped to his fingertip. 

“This shouldn’t hurt,” Q said as he looked down at the program running across his tablet.

“Words I’m always fond of hearing,” Bond quipped.  Q scrunched his brow in annoyance and tapped on the screen, double checking the settings. 

“We need to get some baseline heart rate data first.”  He swallowed, knowing what was coming next.  “Unbutton your shirt, please.”

Q noticed James’ eyebrow move upward slightly, but the agent said nothing.  He brought his hands up to loosen the tie, slightly encumbered by the fingertip monitor.  Q watched the knot loosen and the first button come undone before flicking upward to glance at James’ expression.  The icy blue eyes met his own and he felt heat flash through his cheeks.  James wasn’t a mind reader.  He hoped to God he wasn’t.  Or he would be fucked.  And possibly have Alec beat the shit out of him.  James finally finished and rested his hands on his legs, looking up expectantly.

Q cleared his throat and then grabbed an electrode off the table.  Moving forward with a surety he did not feel by any stretch, he grasped the shirt and pulled it to the side, revealing the skin beneath.  Q saw the outline of the scar on James’ left pectoral, peeking out from the fabric, and the light dusting of hair covering his chest.  His eyes traced over the well-defined abdominal muscles movement with each breath, and when he felt James’ breath against his cheek he stiffened, suddenly aware that he wasn’t moving.  He hastily pressed the electrode to the flesh and pulled away.  James shifted on the chair.

Q put on the second electrode much quicker and drew his hands back swiftly, as if he had touched fire.  He was infinitely glad he was not the one hooked up to a heart rate monitor.  He sat back on his own chair and grabbed the watch from yesterday that was on the table, his hair slipping over his eyes.

“Put this on.  Left wrist, please.”  Q held the watch out, feeling awkward and unsure of where to look.  James reached to take it, and when their fingertips met for the briefest moment, Q looked down at them and then glanced away.  He bit at his lip and grabbed up his tablet, punching at it sharply.

“Just a moment for it to sync up, now.”  Feeling James’ gaze, Q flipped through some menus on the screen so he wouldn’t look up.  The silence stretched out between them.  James was certainly more reticent now that he wasn’t playing off of Alec’s humor.  Q heard James shift once more and he kept his eyes glued to the screen.

“Blonde and gorgeous isn’t your type?” 

Q blinked, hardly believing what he’d just heard.

“Excuse me?”  He looked up from the screen and his eyes locked with James’.  The agent’s expression was unreadable.

“What’s wrong with blonde and gorgeous?”  James’ eyes were serious, and his heart rate remained steady on the screen while Q’s shot up to the roof with nervousness.  How the hell was he supposed to reply to that?  How could James say that with such an impassive face?

“I told Alec that blind dates weren’t my thing,” Q deflected, his fingers clutching the tablet tightly. 

“Mmm, I see.”  James’ low rumble and full lips were starting to do funny things to Q’s stomach.  “So what is your _thing_?”

Q felt uncertainty and confusion well up; it was an incredibly unsettling and unfamiliar feeling.  What was James getting at? Mercifully the tablet and watch beeped at the same time before he had to answer.

“The sync’s done.  I’ll need you to keep this on for twenty-four hours and bring it back tomorrow so I can analyze your heart rate data as recorded by the watch.”  Q’s voice was even and detached, and he concentrated on keeping his hands steady as he removed the electrodes and grasped James’ hand to detach the monitor. 

“Wear it everywhere, yes?  What about in the shower?”  It was a perfectly reasonable question, but it made Q’s stomach flip.

“It’s water-proof.  Leave it on to shower.”  He dropped the hand and it fell to James’ lap with a soft thud.  He was _not_ thinking about James in the shower.  Not now, anyway.  Q curled up the wires in his fingers, meeting James’ gaze again.

“And, 007?”

“Yes, Q?”

“Bring it back in one piece, for fuck’s sake.  It’s only twenty-four hours.”

“I didn’t know you had such a mouth on you, pup.”

Q bit back a reply, gathered up his supplies and swept out of the room, fear and desire warring in his chest.  Flirting with James was a bad, bad idea.  If you could call those few clipped words flirting.  It meant nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Q said that to himself enough times that he almost convinced himself of that fact.

As he lay curled in bed that night he checked Bond’s heart rate monitor one last time to ensure it was still functioning properly.  Scrolling through the data, he noticed a half hour spike around midnight.  If it had been earlier in the day he could chalk it up to gym time, but he knew exactly what Bond was doing for those thirty minutes.  And James knew he knew it too.  Q felt a thick coil of guilt and nerves knot in his stomach as he anticipated tomorrow’s conversation.  Sleep eluded him and the guilt simmered.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec and James showed up at Q-branch together, of course.  Q was secretly relieved that James wasn’t there alone, and he wouldn’t have to risk an awkward follow-up conversation that may get him into more trouble.

“Evening, Q,” Alec chirped as he approached, smiling. James nodded in Q’s direction.  Q pushed his keyboard aside and stood up as they came closer.  He was near the same height as the two agents but felt dwarfed by their confident presence.  Both were dressed casually in jeans and stylish tshirts, making him wonder if they were heading for a night out after their appointment in Q-branch.  Well, it was only James’ appointment.  Alec was just with him, as usual.

James hiked his left sleeve of his motorcycle jacket up to reveal the gleaming watch and his tanned wrist.   “In one piece still,” he said, grinning as if that was an accomplishment. 

“It’s a miracle,” Q said flatly, reaching over to undo the clasp and slide the watch off as James held his arm outstretched.  He was aware of Alec’s gaze on his fingers and aware of every second his and James’ skin touched.  He briefly examined the watch under a desk light and then plugged a miniscule cable into the side of the watch face.  Then he connected it to his computer and watched the data scroll across the screen, vaguely hearing Alec and James murmuring and laughing quietly next to him.

Q looked up after a few minutes, waiting for them to cease talking.  When they did, he said, “From a preliminary look, it appears to have worked fine.  I’ll need to compare this to the previous test with 004 and your activity log you emailed me.”  Here James shifted his weight.  “But it should be ready by the next time you ship out.  That should be in a few days or so, correct?”

“Yes, M promised me we’d have a few days free in the mean time though,” James replied.  Alec looked up to smile at James and Q averted his eyes.

“Right.  Good.”  Q turned back to his computer, thinking about how James had just used ‘we’ in a sentence.  “Thank you, 007.  006.”  It was clearly a dismissal.  They hung around, not moving.

“We’re going to a pub tonight,” Alec ventured.

“Lovely for you.”  Q didn’t look up from his station.

“Why don’t you join us?  We’re meeting up with a few people,” Alec continued.  Q couldn’t fathom why he was being so persistent.

“I believe I made my preferences clear yesterday.”  Q tried not to notice how James’ eyes fell on him as he said this.

“It wouldn’t hurt you to have a little fun, Q,” James prodded in his baritone voice.  Q fought from shuddering.  He blinked a few times, pecking away at his keyboard to stall for a moment as he thought about it.

“Well…” he began, fingers typing quickly.  “I suppose I’m almost done here.”

“Great!”  Alec clapped him on the back.  “You can ride with us.  We’ll meet you in the garage in… twenty minutes?”

“Alright,” Q said reluctantly, wondering why he had just agreed.  He’d never gone out with them before.  He never went out period.  Sometimes he would chit chat with Eve over lunch or on late nights when they were both stuck working, but that was about all of the social life he had.

Alec and James turned to walk out, laughing between themselves again.  Q watched their backs as they left.  He looked down at his grey cardigan and brown pinstriped trousers feeling inadequate and silly.  At least he kept extra clothes in his office from the numerous times he’d stayed overnight, with only a kip on his pull-out mini couch.

He turned back to the computer screen to sync up the watch with James’ activity log, wanting to complete the task before heading out and starting the weekend.  The program matched up the times accurately, and when Q saw the midnight time slot that James had marked ‘rumpy-pumpy’, he bit out a laugh and his cheeks flamed red.  He shut down the screen and went to his office, pulling off his cardigan and trousers quickly, and searching for his skinny black jeans in the back of his little closet.  Those would have to do, paired with his plain white tshirt.  He fussed for a moment with the cardigan, deciding to wear it as he hadn’t brought a coat. 

Tonight promised to be very… awkward.  He knew why he had said yes, though.  He was curious about their relationship.  He was curious about what James would be like drunk.  He was curious if James would look at him like that again.  He pulled on the clothes and hurried out, knowing they would be waiting.

 

Q dashed out of the doorway to the garage, knowing he had been more than the agreed upon twenty minutes.  He found that Alec had pulled around, his silver Audi purring quietly as they waited.  He pulled open the back door and slipped in to sit on the smooth leather seat, feeling a bit like a child as the two older men sat in front.

“Where are we off to then?” Q asked, buckling his seat belt.

“A little place that’s not far.  They’ve got great chips.  And darts,” Alec spouted with enthusiasm, exiting the garage and stomping down on the accelerator.  Q grasped onto the door handle to keep from being lurched backward.

“We have a friendly competition going in darts,” James explained.  “Alec is a sore loser.  He always has to buy a lot of rounds for the winners and drowns his sorrows in his beer.”

“Hah, at least I’m not the one who ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor last time.”

“Right, you were just singing loudly in Russian and trying to get that flirty waitress to believe that you were gay.  Or was it straight?”  James’ laugh was genuine.

“No, she was all over me.  I had to sit on your lap to get her to stop.”  James just chuckled in response.

Q swallowed.  It was the first time he had heard them talk about their relationship, really.

“I bet you’re good at darts, Q.  You can be on my team,” Alec said, pulling up to their destination and stopping the car.  The three of them hopped out.

“I did play a little in Uni,” Q admitted as they walked toward the heavy wooden doors of the pub.  The air felt crisp against his skin and he huddled into his cardigan.  “Though it’s been a while.  I’ve been pretty busy lately with, you know, everything.”  Q shrugged noncommittally.  That was the understatement of the century.

They both nodded soberly in reply.

“We’re glad you came out with us, then,” James said, smiling from one corner of his mouth, and he pushed open the doors forcibly to let the three of them pass.

The air was warm inside, and Q surveyed the room as they walked up to the bar.  The lights were pleasantly dim and the whole room was dressed in deep mahogany and hues of green.  The bar stools were wrapped in old leather, and the noise of the patrons was pleasantly active without being overwhelming. Alec diverged, saying he was going to look for a booth.

“What are you having?” James asked, turning to look at Q and resting his elbow on the bar.  “The first one’s on me, because you and Alec will be paying all night.”

Q smiled at James, beginning to feel a little more comfortable.  “Boddington’s sounds good, please.”

“You’re so polite.”

“Wait ‘til I’ve knocked back a few of these.” 

James cocked an eyebrow at him.  “Why?  What happens then?”

Q thought he could hear a subtle flirtation behind the words, but he wasn’t sure.  “I get a little more honest.”

James’ lips quirked into a smirk, and Q felt a little thrill that he had caused that.  He loved that smirk, and the playful look that accompanied it.  He grinned a little in return, grasping his pint glass that the bartender set in front of him.  He took a sip and let the smooth taste slide across his tongue, savouring the richness.  He saw James’ eyes trace the small movements of his fingers on his glass, and Q unconsciously licked his lips.  As he thought about how absolutely hot James looked in that leather jacket he felt the nerves begin to drum in his stomach.

From the corner of his eye, Q saw Alec waving them over.  He stood up and jerked his head in the general direction, feeling the nerves tighten.

“Looks like Alec found a table.”  Q and James scooped up an extra beer for the mystery people they were meeting up with.  Q really really hoped one of them wasn’t for the guy Alec had been trying to set him up with.  He was not in the mood to deal with that tonight.  He was exhausted from a long work week and more in the mood to drink himself into a stupor.

As they approached the booth, Q was extremely relieved to see that there was only one extra person sitting there, and it was Eve.  She was dressed casually in jeans and a tight black tshirt, her curly hair springing up and framing her face.  She scooted over and Q smiled at her, placing the extra beer in front of her on the table and sitting next to her on the bench.  James took the seat next to Alec across from them.

“Wow, Q,” Eve said, taking a sip of her beer.  “I didn’t know they let you out of the dungeon ever.”

“Yes, I’ve never heard that one before,” Q muttered, rolling his eyes but then smiling.  He took a long pull off his pint, wanting to get drunk as quick as possible.  “It is Friday night, after all.”

“Cheers to that, mates,” Eve said joyfully, raising her glass.  The four of them clunked their glasses together and drank heartily.

After the first beer, Q was feeling more comfortable and was laughing at Eve’s jokes.  They divided into teams and Alec was much better at darts than Q was, unsurprisingly.  James was also very good, too.  Probably all that target practice in the range.  Eve was pretty terrible, though, so it evened out.  By the second beer Alec’s fingers were running over James’ in between turns while Q pretended not to watch.  By the third beer Q had figured out that Eve went out with the two of them quite frequently, and they were occasionally joined by Tanner, Megan the hot nurse in medical, and Harry from accounting.  He apparently could drink James under the table.  After the fourth beer Q and Alec lost the match and bought everyone another round, to both boo’s by Alec and cheers by Eve and James. 

By the time they had all downed five drinks, Eve and Alec had moved on to pool and Q sat in the booth across from James.  Q watched Eve as she set up her shot shakily and jumped the cue ball off of the table.  Alec picked it up for her, and she placed it back on the table, giggling madly.  The next shot stayed on the table at least, although none of the balls went into any of the pockets.  As Alec set up his shot next, Q turned to examine James.  He was relaxed, his face open and unguarded, and his hair slightly mussed.  His bicep flexed tantalizingly as he lifted his glass to his lips.

“Rumpy-pumpy?” Q abruptly spit out without much thought.  “Really?  You couldn’t think of anything better?”  Q laughed despite himself, unsure where he had gotten the confidence to bring up that particular line of conversation.  It was probably sometime after that fifth beer hit.

“I wasn’t about to put having a shag in my official report,” James said, grinning back.

“Why not?  Did you think M might spontaneously combust from reading one of your reports?”  Q giggled into his beer.

 “What should I have put instead?  Winding the clock?  Churning the butter?”  James snickered, seeming equally amused.

“Hiding the salami?” Q added, grasping his stomach as he laughed.

“Stuffing the turkey?  I don’t know if these food ones really do it for me,” James chuckled.

“Making the beast with two backs?”  Q was now laughing so hard that tears were forming.  He wiped at them with his sleeve.  James laughed good-naturedly across from him.

“Is this what you’d be like in bed, Q?  Quoting Shakespeare and all flushed pink?”

Q stopped laughing, his eyes bright.  He felt desire rushing through him and an incredible urge to reach over and run his fingers across James’ full lips.  Followed by his tongue.  Instead he took another sip, incredibly aware of how near Alec was.  He wanted James so badly, but he knew how thin of a line he was walking.

That fifth beer prodded him on.  “Yes.  Flushed pink all over.”

James’ smile was sinful and it did wicked things to Q.  The nerves in his stomach fought with the aching desire, and his cock stiffened in his pants slightly.  So he knew James wanted him.  It made him feel powerful and the secret made him excited in a twisted way.  But he didn’t know if James would act on it.  Q didn’t even know if he would act on it.  He shouldn’t.  He definitely shouldn’t.  But oh, did he want to.  He sipped his beer again and his eyes connected with James’.

Alec and Eve came back to the table, laughing boisterously.  Eve pressed herself against Q’s side and he slid over politely.  She began to run her hands through his hair and rested her face against his shoulder.  James raised his eyebrows and gave him an amused look.

“What happened to the game, dear?” James asked, one arm moving around Alec’s strong shoulder.  He kissed against Alec’s jaw long enough for it to be uncomfortable to an observer.  Q inched further away from Eve’s fingers until she was no longer touching his hair.

“Eve shot the cue ball into the next table and they respectfully asked us to leave.”

“And you just acquiesced?  I find that hard to believe.”

“I politely told them where they could shove their cue sticks.  At least I think that’s what I said.  There was a lot of yelling.”  He paused to grin at James and leaned in for a peck on the lips.  “We needed another round anyway.”

Eve yawned and straightened up, seeming to gather her wits about her.  “Sounds lovely but I think I’m beat.  Waking up at four in the morning will do that to you.  Does anyone want to share a cab?”

“We drove here, I can give you a lift,” Alec replied.

“Nah, you’re the wrong direction, thanks.  Q?”

“I’ll just take the tube.  The station is right by my flat.”  They all began to shuffle out of the booth and say their good-byes.  Q gave Eve a peck on the cheek, then turned to Alec, feeling like a complete arse-hole as he said, “Thanks for inviting me out, Alec.  I had fun.  Bye, James.”

Alec smiled at him, James’ arm still wrapped around his shoulder.  Q forced a smile then turned around.  He didn’t even risk a glance at James.

Q decided to stop in the loo before heading out.  He took his time in the bathroom, smoothing down his cardigan and pushing back his hair in the mirror.  He could feel the alcohol clouding his mind pleasantly.  He smiled at himself, thinking that he looked pretty cute.  Was he really flushed pink?  Or was that only when James was around?

Q finally stumbled outside, the cold air biting into his skin painfully.  He shoved his hands in his pockets, vaguely wondering why his (sort-of) friends would leave him to fend for himself in the bitter cold, completely drunk off his arse.  This was why he didn’t go out often.  He could’ve just stayed home with a nice cuppa, playing some console games and feeling sorry for himself as he went to bed early.

As he rounded the brick corner of the building, he stopped short, his breath catching.  There were Alec and James, pressed up against the building, snogging like teenagers in the shadows.  Alec had James pressed against the wall, one hand tangled in the blonde hair, the other invisible beneath the jacket.  He could see James’ hands sliding up and down Alec’s backside, moving down to cup his arse and squeeze.  Alec moaned into James’ lips while Q’s body responded viscerally.  He felt the alcohol spinning through his mind and could see his breath solid in front of him as he breathed out heavily.  He had visualized them together, but seeing it in person, in blinding visual acuity was entirely different.  He shrunk back against the building, watching silently.

James moved forward to reverse their positions and pin Alec against the hard brick.  Q saw James bend his head and nip at Alec’s neck while Alec arched back, exposing his neck and closing his eyes.  Q could feel himself growing painfully hard.  James grabbed Alec’s hair and pulled him into a bruising kiss, his hips grinding forward.  Q let out a muffled groan, feeling his whole body lighting on fire as he clutched against the brick for support.  Fuck, it was hot watching them together.

Suddenly Q heard a crunching noise of footsteps behind him and he stiffened.  He hurriedly turned and crossed the street, cursing the inventor of skinny jeans.  As much as he wanted to see James’ lips in action, he absolutely did not want to get caught staring with his hand down his pants.  On the tube ride home Q tried to think of unsexy things, but every time he closed his eyes he could see James’ pink tongue slide across white skin and his eyes would fly open.  He let the cold air wash over him as he fumbled with his keys in the door.  Once in his flat he flopped down on his couch, exhaustion from the alcohol and the day and the banter and the voyeurism all combining and weighing on him heavily.  He put his arm over his face and groaned.  There was no way he could work with those two ever again.  There was absolutely no way he could ever talk to James again without imagining those hips grinding forward and those perfect hands fisting in his own dark hair.  He was so screwed.  Absolutely and completely screwed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is sex in this chapter (woo!) so I bumped up the rating to explicit. I hope you are enjoying. :-D

Work and life went on as usual, and Q didn’t see James or Alec for over a week.  Eve had stopped by Q-branch to chat him up and encourage Q to come out with their little group more often.  He nodded along with her, thinking that was unlikely to happen.  While he had actually had a little fun, he didn’t think he could handle James’ flirtations while Alec was so close by.  Best to just avoid them both entirely. 

At home at night, though, he stroked himself to the memory of James pinning Alec against the wall.  In his mind he replayed the part where James’ hand grasped Alec’s hair tightly, thinking about what it would be like to have those strong, deadly hands on him, holding him down, controlling him.  He thought about being pressed against the wall, James’ lips hot and firm against him while he thrust his thick cock inside of him mercilessly.  Q came hard with a gasp and James’ name on his lips.  This was getting unhealthy.

Being Quartermaster, sometimes Q was privy to information he did not want to know.  He outfitted Alec for a mission that he knew James thought he was going on as well.  A long mission.  James wasn’t; he was grounded temporarily, but it wasn’t Q’s job to inform him of that.  Q played his part and laughed with Alec, his new friend.  But secretly he was wondering if James would be lurking around Q-branch without Alec present.

He began to devise scenarios in his mind.  James would come up to him, pull him into his office, lock the door, and throw him over his desk.  Or James would grab him by the hair and force him down in front of him, in front of all of Q-branch, take out his cock and order Q to use his mouth.  Maybe James would push him down over his knees, thrust his fingers inside him while Q mewled out and squirmed against the muscular thighs, his cock untouched.  The scenarios kept getting wilder and dirtier, and Q knew he had to stop as his obsession with James’ cock was all he could think about.  It was beginning to affect his work.

 

When it happened a few days later, when Alec was in North Korea, it was so simple that it was surprising.  James was in the elevator as Q was leaving.  As the doors slid shut, Q felt the energy in the air between the two of them intensify.  He tried to remain casual, knowing the ever-present cameras were recording them.

“Going home for the evening?” Q asked with a practiced air of nonchalance.  He glanced over at James to see the agent studying him.  Q visualized what clothing he had thrown on that morning, wondering if it was up to par.

“Yes, and you?” James answered.  He looked back towards the elevator door, and it was Q’s turn to study the other’s outline.  James’ grey suit was striking and crisp, his posture commanding.  He radiated power and sex.

“Yes.”  Q remained silent for a moment before he added, “Alec’s gone, isn’t he?”

“Yes.  Until Monday.  Do you live far?” 

Q knew what James was really asking.  He replied, “Not too far, if the tube isn’t busy.  With the rain it might be a bit of a mess.”

“I’ll give you a ride then.  I can’t imagine what your hair would look like after a downpour,” James said without hesitation, his tone of voice even.

“Yes, well, not as bad as it looks in the mornings.”  The unspoken implication of that phrase hung between the two of them silently.

James didn’t visually react, except for the tiniest upward turn of the corner of his mouth.  Q could feel excitement coil through his body and he fought to keep his face emotionless.  The walk to James’ car seemed unending.

The entire ride to his flat, Q worked on formulating a clever invitation, but he didn’t have to say anything at all.  James just parked and stopped the car.  He took the key out of the ignition and stepped out.  Q followed him after a fleeting pause, splashing through the puddles, wondering about how this man knew the way to his flat.  It didn’t really surprise him, though.  Nor did it matter at that moment.

They reached the door and Q turned the key, feeling anticipation and James’ eyes on him.  He swung it open and stepped in, removing his coat and shoes in silence as James did the same.  Q took a few steps into the flat as James looked around.  Q tried to imagine it through James’ eyes, seeing it for the first time.  The colors were muted and earthy, the furniture was comfortable and worn, and the bookshelves were monumental, covering an entire wall. It was quite messy, with clothes strewn about, dishes unwashed in the sink, and mail unopened on the table.  Q blinked, suddenly insecure, feeling as if he was giving James a peek into his insides.  If he had known this would be happening, he would have tidied up a bit.  Q studied the other man who turned to look at Q intensely, as if he were trying to puzzle something out.

“I don’t know if I have anything to eat,” Q said nervously, beginning to walk toward the kitchen and opening the refrigerator.  Some moldy cheese and one beer bottle looked back at him.

“That’s alright.  I’m not hungry,” James replied, following Q and stopping a little too closely to him. 

Q could feel James’ breath against his neck.  He shivered, the warm air cooling the rain droplets on his skin.  Q fumbled through his cupboards, producing a bottle of scotch and two tumblers.  He dropped ice into each glass while James poured the amber liquid.  Their fingers bumped.  They both raised their glasses and sipped silently.  Q licked his lips, unsure of what to say.

James reached out and gently traced Q’s cheek and jaw with one finger, ending with a slight tug across Q’s lower lip, still wet from the ice.  Q felt his skin tingle and he breathed in deeply.  This was happening.  This was actually happening.  He was euphoric and paralyzed with fear at the same time.

“Your lips,” James began, stepping closer into Q’s personal space.  “…are so soft.”  Q’s heart beat wildly against his ribs as James’ hand cupped his cheek.  He could feel the heat of James’ body against his own, still cold and damp from the rain.

“I’ve thought about them,” James continued.  “About what they would feel like against my own.  About licking against them, parting them with my tongue, pushing it inside.  About them on my skin.  Wrapped around my cock.”

Q felt like he was electrified.  He licked his lips, his body stiff as James’ moved closer and closer until he was hovering right over Q’s lips and they were sharing the same breath.  This was it.  This was the point of no return.  Up until now he was just fantasizing, just playing with fire.  This would be completely crossing the line and he would officially be going to hell. 

Q clutched the cold glass tightly in his hand as he pushed forward infinitesimally to brush against James’ lips.  The light kiss was fantastic and heady, and he felt a lead weight in his stomach as he did it.  But he couldn’t stop himself.  He moved closer, their lips pressing tighter.  James licked against him and Q opened his lips slightly and let the tongue slide in.  He wrapped his tongue around James’ and sucked.  James let out a small groan and moved forward, joining their bodies from chest to groin to knees.  Q felt around for his counter to set down the glass of scotch, feeling it swish out against his fingers and the countertop.

James pulled away slightly, taking Q’s hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to lick against the digits.  He pulled one finger in, tasting the scotch, a small noise of pleasure rising from his vocal cords as Q’s eyes fluttered shut.  Q could feel the blood flowing straight to his cock and he pushed against James’ groin, reveling in the hardness against him.

“Have you thought about this, Q?  Me touching you?  Kissing you?  Licking you?”

“Yes.”  Q’s voice was soft and breathless, his body trembling.  James was kissing his jaw now, moving across the soft stubble, mouthing an earlobe.  His breath caused a shudder to wrack through Q’s lithe frame, and Q’s hands jumped into action, tracing James’ broad shoulders and arms.  The suit jacket was smooth beneath his fingers, the hardness of the muscles evident with each caress.  He pulled at the jacket, wanting to feel skin under his fingers, desperation beginning to hurry his movements.

“Have you thought about me fucking you?”  James pushed his cock against Q’s to accentuate his statement.

“Yes.  God, yes,” Q groaned, letting his head fall back, forgetting about the jacket.  James’ fingers and words were sliding over him like silk.

“Naughty boy.”  James’ hands were working on pulling out Q’s button-down shirt from his trousers, his lips still nipping at Q’s ear.

“You’ve no idea.”  Q grinned, feeling his confidence increase as James worshiped him with his tongue and lips. 

“Bend over for me.  I want to see how naughty you are.”

Q growled and complied, turning in James’ arms, moving so his arms were propped on his marble countertop.  He glanced down at the spilled scotch, the moment feeling surreal as James hovered behind him while he waited, cock aching and pressed against his pants.  He felt firm hands slide over the curve of his arse, and hot breath panted against his neck.  Then James was unbuckling Q’s belt and pulling down his trousers and pants, and he was bare-bottomed and trembling as James’ gaze swept over him appraisingly.

Q jumped slightly as the warm hands touched him again, this time without any barriers between them, skin against skin.  One hand trailed downward, between his cheeks, and the other moved forward to tease against his cock before firmly grasping him.  Q stiffened immediately, feeling the liquid of his pre-come leaking out.  James made slow circles around his opening before pushing the tip of his finger in gently.  He bent over Q, lips grazing the nape of his neck, his nose brushing into the curls there.

“So fucking beautiful,” James whispered as his finger slid in further and Q jerked forward, the contact rough without any lubrication.  Q squirmed against him, attempting to kick his pants off of his ankles, the movement rocking James’ fingers and hands on his body.

“Where do you keep your lube?” James asked, and Q could hear a bit of strain in the soft voice.  He reached back with one hand to feel for James’ hip and cock, but James pulled back out of reach, removing his hands.  “No, keep your hands on the counter.”

Q whimpered at the firm command and returned his hands, spreading his legs further and looking back over his shoulder at James.  His hair was falling into his eyes and he had to toss his head to see James’ lust-filled expression properly.

“Lube, love?” James reminded him, his hand stroking over Q’s backside again as Q pushed back against him.

“First door on the left.  Top drawer of the night stand,” Q heard himself say.  He felt like he was detached from his body, watching James Bond fondle him as he bent over his kitchen island.  His mind still couldn’t quite believe it was happening.

“Don’t move,” James said, squeezing Q’s cock once hard before walking purposefully to the bedroom.  Q watched him move across the living room, feeling the anticipation heighten as the cool air permeated his naked skin.  He wanted to move forward to grind his cock against the counter, beginning to feel desperate for contact, but he somehow knew that it wouldn’t be allowed; James would be angry.

When James returned a few moments later he stopped in the living room, in full view of Q.  He removed his suit jacket and placed it over the arm chair carefully, then slowly untied the tie and slipped it off.  His icy blue eyes were locked on Q’s, and the look on his face was pure hunger.

As he began to unbutton the crisp dress shirt James said, “Tell me what you’ve thought about.  Tell me what you’d like me to do to you.”

“I’ve thought about you fucking me.  In my office.”  James was pulling off his shirt now and folding it over his jacket.  “I’ve thought about you throwing everything off my desk.”  James was shucking his trousers now.  “Holding me down.”  Now the pants were coming off, revealing his hard cock.  “Spreading my legs for you.”  James was stroking himself now, not too hard, spreading the lubricant liberally.  Q felt like he was ready to explode.  “Please fuck me, James.” Q’s voice was begging, broken.  He couldn’t wait any longer.

James moved around until he was behind Q and roughly pulled off his dress shirt.  Q’s arms were tangled up in a delicious moment of constraint and James took advantage to kiss him roughly before Q was freed and pushed back into position against the counter.  Q still hadn’t touched James’ skin, and he fought hard to keep his hands still.  He pressed them into the marble, his back arching his hips, searching for contact.  James grasped at him, pulling his arse apart, pressing his cock against him, pushing in slowly and firmly.  Q moaned out, hands clawing futilely as he grasped for purchase against the cold surface.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.  I knew you would be,” James grunted.  He flexed his hips, pushing in slowly, feeling the beautiful squeeze with each inch that Q took him in.  When he was seated all the way inside they both breathed in heavily.  James petted Q’s hair and neck, sweeping down his spine, feeling the light sheen of sweat against the porcelain skin.  Q rested his head on his hands, elongating his spine, relishing the thick feeling of James’ cock finally inside of him.

James began to slide out, beginning a slow pace that didn’t last long.  Q moved his sharp hips backwards in time with each measured thrust, angling to get James in as deep as possible.  Soon James began to thrust with vigor, his hands reaching underneath to run over Q’s hard nipples and along his leaking cock.

“I’ve wanted to do this to you for so long.  Fuck your tight little arse.  Fuck, Q.”  James’ mouth was getting dirtier the longer they went.  Q could feel James’ control slipping as his thrusting became more desperate, more powerful.  His nails were raking across Q’s skin, causing flashes of pain that punctuated the pleasure, the combination overwhelming Q’s brain.

“Your cock.  So good.  Fuck.”  Q couldn’t even form a complete sentence anymore.  James was grabbing onto him, pulling him away from the counter.  The sound of skin slapping permeated the room as Q reached backwards for James, pulling him into a brief, wet kiss.  When James’ hand grasped Q’s cock and moved in tandem with his own cock pistoning inside, Q could feel the orgasm creeping up through his limbs.  He closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of the cock in his arse, the fingers tightening around him, and the breath on his neck.

Q let out a strangled cry as he felt the familiar rush of pleasure crash over him in a powerful wave.  He closed his eyes and gasped heavily, feeling his body contract and spasm as his come arched out over James’ hand, his own belly, and the countertop.  Q clenched his muscles and could feel James’ hold tighten brutally on his hips as he continued to drive inside of him.  A dozen more thrusts and James bit down on his shoulder and came inside Q with a grunt, thrusting upward forcefully as Q held on through his haze.

When James was finished he wrapped his arms around Q, feeling the light body sag against him.  James kissed Q’s sweaty neck sweetly then rested his head against him, their ragged breathing slowly coming back under control.

As Q felt the tender caresses of James’ lips and hands and his cock softening inside of him, he thought about how many times James must have done this to Alec.  He felt a thick feeling in his throat as he pulled away from James’ lips.  Their skin stuck slightly as they separated and Q turned around to take in James’ face, relaxation etched across every line.  James smiled a loose, wolfish grin at him that made Q feel tendrils of guilt while also thrilling him.  It was a smile he didn’t deserve.

They washed up and lay in bed, James tracing light patterns along Q’s shoulder blades and spine as he lay on his stomach.

“This is a bad idea, you know,” Q said after a long silence, not looking at James.

“It’s a bit late for that,” James murmured, his fingers continuing along their paths.  Q shivered against the light touch.  James bent down to lick along Q’s ribs, moving down the soft skin slowly, enjoying each twitch and moan.  Q felt his legs spread again of their own accord, allowing James to settle between his thighs and lick into him.  It was a bad idea.  But apparently he didn’t care anymore.

In the morning, James smiled at Q’s messy hair as the fringe lay both pressed against his forehead and fanned out on the pillow.  His hand lightly ran down Q’s naked back as he lay twisted in the sheet and sleeping soundly.  He dressed in the pre-dawn darkness, closing the door silently as he left.

Q dreamed of warm lips and warm arms, and woke up alone.  He stretched, feeling the satisfied ache in his body of a night well-spent and the taste of James on his lips.  Q tried not to think of Alec.  He tried not to think of what he’d done.  About how much he liked it.  How he’d do it again, if James asked.  The guilt was still there, but it felt easier to ignore now, somehow.  It was replaced by an illicit thrill, and a promise of the unknown.  Q dressed for work, a sly smile on his face for the entire day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is weighing heavily on my heart. I think I need to go a happier route next...
> 
> Also, I am taking a few classes this summer and the work load just got intense so I will try my bestest but will be slower to progress in the next few weeks. :-(
> 
> *lies down and cries into a pillow while listening to the music from Doomsday when Rose leaves*

Q didn’t see James the next day at work.  That was alright with Q as the day had turned into one exhausting marathon of phone calls, a botched mission, and a tech who attempted to nick equipment from the store room. 

When he had a moment’s rest he would blink and remember lingering lips on his belly, a firm hand against his hip, and icy blue eyes looking up at him with lust.  He felt his ears turn pink and his body flush while his mind reminded him that he was acting like an arse.  Best case scenario he would continue cheating with a person who had a very serious and long-term relationship with a man who was large enough to beat him to a pulp.  Worst case scenario, he would end up in the hospital and possibly lose his job.  Q swallowed, not wanting to go down that line of thought.  He immersed himself in his work until everything else was background noise.  In truth, Q was glad for the distractions as he was so worn out he passed out that night as soon as his head hit the pillow.  He didn’t have to analyze his personal issues or life choices, and he woke up feeling calm.

In the morning, James’ smug face was in Q-branch, chatting with his technician before Q had even had a chance to fix himself his tea.  James looked up to smile as he saw the Quartermaster enter the sliding double doors of Q-branch.  Q held his empty mug close to his chest, feeling unsure of how to act normally in front of Bond now.

“007,” he greeted the agent formally, while breezing past him to head to his work station, feeling as though he had two left feet.  “To what do I owe the pleasure?”  Q could feel his face burning as he said the words.

“Good morning, Q.”  James’ voice sounded slightly amused.  “M sent me down here.  He said you may need a willing test subject for some new prototype.”

Q frowned, wondering how true that statement was.  He booted up his computer, waiting briefly for the blue screen to flicker on as he deliberated.  “I was meaning to test out the new short-range communicator today.  Come by my office this afternoon.  Your help would be appreciated.”  Q bit the side of his tongue, wondering if he was being too obvious.

 “Yes, sir.”  James’ smirk was annoyingly insolent and Q narrowed his eyebrows in response.  As James walked out, Q mentally swore.  If this kept happening, it would mean bad things for his work productivity.

 

At the sharp rap on the door, Q jumped up and smoothed his shirt apprehensively.  James pushed open the door and his eyes swept the room, taking in the wood-paneled walls, the dim lighting, and the nervous Quartermaster looking at him with dark green eyes.  James entered and locked the door deliberately behind him.  Q swallowed as James approached, looking like a jungle cat as his muscles moved sleekly under his midnight blue suit.  He stopped a hair’s breadth away from Q, leaning into him, not touching.  Q’s body strained upward, wanting to feel those lips against his desperately while his hands wondered what to do, hanging awkwardly by his sides.

Q almost didn’t want to ask the question that had been burning in him because he didn’t want to know the answer. But he asked it anyways.  “Why, James?”

James’ hand came up to trace Q’s jaw before sliding down slowly over his throat and ending splayed open on his chest, feeling Q’s chest rise and fall.  “Because you’re gorgeous.”  He leaned in closer, his breath on Q’s lips.  “Because I want to.”  Q understood that he meant, _Because I can_.  For the first time he wondered if James had cheated before.  With other people.  That meant Q was just another fuck, and meant nothing.  He pushed James away from him with two firm hands on his chest.  Though he was far weaker than James, the man still let himself be pushed away, surprise evident on his face.

“Go back to Alec.”  Q almost didn’t recognize his voice as he turned away, a dull feeling twisting in his chest like a blunt blade.  He knew it was the right decision.  But then why did his heart ache so badly?  If James wasn’t attached…  If they could be together, really _be_ together…  No, he couldn’t let himself think like that.  There was Alec, and that was all there was to it.  No use wondering what could be.  That’s how he’d ended up with James in his bed in the first place. 

James, if anything, was not stupid.  His face was schooled back into its usual façade, and Q felt a pang of regret that the beautiful smile was gone, and the once playful eyes were now hard and unfeeling again.  But he let James turn and leave, without another word.  When Q lay in bed that night he stared at the clock for hours, sleep eluding him, uncertainty weighing on him heavily.

 

He didn’t quite make up his mind, but somehow found himself at James’ flat the following evening.  They tumbled into bed wordlessly and he felt blissfully alive.  And guilty.  James was like a flame, and he was the utterly stupid moth.  He knew he would get burned, but he just couldn’t resist.

This time he mapped out every line, every scar, every dip of James’ flesh.  His lips traveled over calves and knees and thighs, over the lines of James’ back, over the shoulder blades, and the ticklish ears.  He pressed his fingers into James while he licked around his lengthening cock, taking the head inside his mouth, swallowing the hot come as James groaned out his name and arched against him.  And afterward he pressed his back into the warm stomach and let James pull the covers around him, knowing he would stay until morning.  He was acutely aware of the status of Alec’s mission and how he would not be returning for days.

James tightened his arms around Q’s small body, his voice soft.  “I get lonely, Q.  And you’re… you’re…”  James couldn’t finish the thought, but he held Q to him, his lips covering every inch of fevered skin.  Q felt like James was confessing something, and he could feel his heart beating faster with the unsaid words.  He felt a slight panic rise in his chest.  If he deluded himself that it was just about sex, he could handle that.  He could compartmentalize it.  But if he let himself hope, and wonder and wish...  If he let himself imagine a life with James where he held his hand, where they had dinner, where a debilitating fear of being caught wasn’t omnipresent.  Well, that was too much.  Yet he was slowly discovering that when James was involved, he had no self control.  So he let the strong arms hold him, and he let himself drift off to sleep.  He let himself pretend that he wasn’t in another man’s bed, and that James would be his for more than just a few stolen nights.  Because what else could he do but submit?  The other choice was a cold bed and bitter regrets, and that was no choice at all.


	5. Chapter 5

A week passed.  Then a month.  And then three.  Q got used to the guilty feeling every time he guided Alec over the comms or saw his eyes crinkle near the corners when he smiled at him during a debrief.  He let Alec think they were friends.  He even went out with him and James again one time, but it was too much and Q felt his throat grow thick with the lies as he swallowed down his beer.  He left that night too early, Alec’s gaze following him with something slightly more than curiosity as he made his exit. 

Q could see the strain in James as time progressed.  He could see the difficulty in dividing himself, and in keeping such a secret.  But the two were gone often enough, sometimes together, sometimes just the one, that no sense of normalcy ever surfaced - though they did fall into a sort of arrangement.  If both were home or both gone, Q would kill himself at work.  James was happy enough and Q didn’t have time to know if he was happy.  But if Alec was gone, Q spent his evenings with James wrapped around him and buried inside him. 

Q felt a bit as if he was living in a black and white dream in which he was barely participating.  But sometimes lovely moments painted with bright colors would splash through vividly, like when James would come up quietly from behind, wrap his arms around Q’s waist, and give a contented sigh.  Or when James would pull him into his chest and whisper that he loved him so quietly Q could barely make out the words.  Q lived for those moments when his heart beat with vibrancy and it all seemed worthwhile.  It only sort of hurt when he saw James give Alec his lopsided half-smile.  And when James left in the morning.  And when Q looked at Alec’s shoes lined up in a neat row in James’ wardrobe.  And when he thought too long about what he was doing.  Otherwise… otherwise it didn’t hurt too much.  Mostly he was just numb.

 

Q lingered in bed on a particularly dreary Sunday morning.  Alec had been gone for two weeks and the long stretch of time in James’ bed felt decidedly odd.  Q stretched his long limbs before tumbling out of the covers, the smell of coffee and bacon luring him to the kitchen wearing only his pants.  He adjusted his glasses and combed his fingers idly through his hair, a small smile coming to his lips as he padded into the room and watched James crack an egg into a skillet.  It sizzled deliciously in the butter, and Q came up to give James a sleepy kiss before settling onto a stool pulled up to the center island.

“Coffee?” James asked in a warm voice, already reaching to pull a cup out from his cupboard.  He was dressed in a gray tshirt which clung to his arms in an appealing manner and black tracksuit bottoms.  

“Yes, please,” Q answered, feeling a slight twinge of pleasure that James knew his breakfast routine so well.  They would typically alternate whose flat they would stay at based on who was working late.  As it was most often Q who dictated the schedule when James was home, they frequently ended up at James’.  Q preferred this greatly because James could actually cook, whereas he would often serve James burnt toast and questionable orange juice. 

Having the time for a proper breakfast was a luxury, and Q chewed on a piece of bacon while his mind wandered and his coffee cooled.  James slipped the egg onto a plate and placed it in front of Q along with a triangle of perfectly browned toast.  Q smiled, scooping up the yolk with his bread, humming happily as the flavors mingled on his tongue.  James returned the affectionate smile, and Q felt the warmth from that gaze travel through his sleepy limbs.  James grabbed his own plate and settled down on the stool next to him, their elbows bumping occasionally as they ate in companionable silence.

“The eggs are good,” Q said between bites, pausing to grin at James.  “I don’t know why I’m rubbish at it.”

James swallowed and licked his lips, bringing a finger up to brush a crumb from the corner of Q’s mouth.  “It’s your genius brain.  No room for the mundane things like how to cook breakfast or pick up your clothes.”

Q hummed noncommittally in response, washing down his bite with a mouthful of coffee.  “Well if you didn’t keep pulling them off…”  Q felt James’ hand move onto the bare skin of his thigh, sliding upward slightly to stop where the cotton of his pants fell.  Their eyes met and Q grinned at James’ lustful expression.

“Perhaps you should finish your toast, Q,” James said with a smirk, voice low and throaty. 

Q swallowed quickly and set down the unfinished piece, brushing the crumbs off his hands and onto the plate.  He twisted slightly in his chair to face James, seeing the agent had done the same and was fixing him with a mischievous look.  Q felt a bolt of desire shoot through him as he always did when those eyes met his.

“It’s not often we have time to play,” James murmured, moving off the stool and in between Q’s thighs.  His other hand came up to rest possessively on Q’s waist and Q felt his breathing get shallow in anticipation.  James always had that effect on him; he couldn’t help but succumb when James turned predatory.

“And what do you want to play, 007?” Q said, grinning cheekily.

James moved closer, nuzzling against Q’s neck, his hips moving to slide against Q’s body.  Their erections brushed and Q shuddered into the touch.  “I like the game where we play how long it takes for you to scream my name while you’re bouncing on my cock, _Quartermaster._ ”  James paused to suck a mark onto Q’s shoulder while Q’s eyes shut tight and his head rolled backward.  “Or maybe I could tie you up, put you over my knee, run my hand over your arse…”  Q was breathing quickly now and thrusting his hips forward.  “Give you a nice spank.  See how long until you begged for my cock.  Would you like that game, Q?”

Q’s hands were pawing through James’ short hair, unsuccessfully trying to pull him into a kiss.  James just licked up Q’s neck, taking an earlobe in between his teeth. 

“Answer me.  Would you like that?” James asked again, this time whispering directly into Q’s ear.  Q’s entire body shuddered and he grasped James’ solid form.

“Yes,” Q breathed out shakily.  James rewarded him with a deep kiss, their tongues entwining hungrily.  The bitter coffee and egg yolk that lingered on James’ lips tasted like domestic bliss and heaven wrapped together.  Q brought his legs up to circle James’ hips, and James moved his hands underneath Q’s arse to walk him over to the couch.  They fell over the arm heavily, James using quick reflexes to brace his hands on the cushions so he was firmly pressing Q down but still holding up his own weight.

As James’ tongue plunged in his mouth, licking expertly, Q again marveled at how fantastic of a kisser James was.  And his hands were pretty good too.  Especially when they were doing what they were doing now, moving on him with enough pressure to be possessive, and enough skill to be truly blissful.  James twisted a pink nipple and Q cried out softly, his body arching into James’.  James breathed in Q’s sighs, his hands working lower to run over Q’s ribs and stomach, down, down, until he was resting right above Q’s pants and the younger man was squirming beneath him.

“I love it when you’re writhing underneath me.  Wanting it so bad.”  Q’s body surged upward, straining for contact that James was denying him.  Their lips met briefly.  “You’re so pretty when you’re like this.  Lips swollen, hair a right mess, cock so hard and leaking.”

“Please, James,” Q said, his voice heavy with need.  James smiled beatifically at him, knowing he’d won the first little game with hardly any effort.  Q didn’t really care that he’d lost, really.  If the reward was James’ hands or lips or cock, he felt like being the loser was perfectly fine.

For all of his talk, James seemed eager to move quickly.  He stripped his clothes off and then yanked off Q’s pants.  He ran his hands over the long cock, Q moaning James’ name loud enough for the neighbors to hear.  Q let James stroke him while the other felt around on the coffee table for the bottle of lube they had left there the previous night.  Q let the memories of being bent over the couch sweep through his brain and he felt himself flush and his cock twitch.  Then James’ finger was back on Q, slippery and warm as it pressed against his opening and pushed inside.  Q tensed up momentarily and then relaxed as James’ other hand stroked his forehead gently before returning to his cock.  He added a second finger and Q bucked upward into James’ hand, the sensations amazing and overpowering.

“Ss.. slow down,” Q moaned out, beginning to feel pressure building in his body.  James stopped the pulling motion on Q’s cock and instead moved lower to tug on his balls gently.  Q groaned, feeling the sensations dull slightly as James continued to work his fingers inside, steady and unrelentless.

Q’s lashes fluttered open and closed as James leaned forward to nip at his collarbones.  “We can play later,” Q got out between grunts.  “Want your cock inside of me right now.”

James pulled back to grin slightly while brushing his fingers against Q’s prostate.  Q howled out in response.  “You didn’t say please,” James said in a stern voice.

Q’s brow knit in frustration.  “Please,” he said in a petulant tone, and James just laughed, pulling his fingers out and causing Q to whimper.

“I wish I had more time to work that insolence out of you.  Punish your little arse.”  Q growled at James’ words, pulling his legs back while James poured lubricant into his hand and stroked himself.  “But I’ll settle for fucking you hard now, instead.”  He moved forward and pressed his cock to Q’s entrance, feeling the slim body tremble in anticipation.  Q felt his own cock laying heavily on his stomach as he grasped behind his knees, waiting.  He knew better than to test James in this kind of mood and looked up at him with dark, pleading eyes, saying nothing. 

James smiled at Q’s pliant attitude and began to push in with a grunt.  Q felt the slide of James burn his insides, and he closed his eyes, savoring the painful pleasure.  When he was in to the hilt, James stopped to briefly kiss Q, waiting until his nose had un-scrunched before pulling back out to begin a slow rhythm.  Q slung his legs up on James’ waist and moved his hands to cover James’ firm body everywhere, thinking that the slide of James’ cock inside of him would never ever get old.  He arched his hips in time with James’ thrusts, their easy rhythm gradually increasing as Q’s fingers traced over James’ biceps and forearms, then up to his shoulders and his flexing back muscles.  As Q’s hands moved over James’ arse and he leaned forward to slide a finger down between the cheeks, James’ hips juddered against Q.  Q smiled and ran his finger in tight circles, pushing in gently, as far as his fingers could from his awkward angle.  He moved his other hand in between James’ legs from beneath, grasping at his balls, causing James’ body to tighten in pleasure.

“Fuck, Q.  That’s not fair,” James ground out.  “I’m not going to last if you keep…”  James grunted as Q squeezed.  “…doing that.”

“You don’t like it?” Q asked innocently, bringing his hips up sharply and biting his lip to keep from moaning too loudly.

“Of course I do, you little minx.”  James' laugh was deep and breathy, his movements becoming sharper and quicker.  Q pushed his head back into the cushions, his body tightening like a bowstring as James changed his angle and began to brush repeatedly over his prostate.

“Fuck, James.  Your cock.  Please.  Fuck.” 

James leaned backward and pulled Q’s hips flush against him, Q’s hands falling away.  James began to fuck into Q earnestly, his hands digging into Q’s hips as he pulled him back onto his cock again and again.  Q began to stroke himself, feeling the pleasure thrumming up from deep within.  It rolled upward through his blood and then suddenly he was spilling out, shouting out James’ name and feeling the hard cock pounding into him as he rode out his orgasm in warm waves.  The rhythmic clenching caused James to let out a strangled moan of his own and he spilled hotly into Q’s tight body, falling forward and clutching the trembling man to him. 

As Q’s body began to slow down to gentle twitches, his mind flooded with relaxed contentment.  James moved to rest his forehead against Q’s and they both grinned silently, their heavy breathing and a few sloppy kisses punctuating the warm air.  James pulled out as his body softened and Q scooted over on the couch to let James lay slightly on top of him, their sweat mingling and sticking their bodies together.

They were typically silent afterward, as James wasn’t much for frequent declarations, and Q was never quite sure where they stood.  That’s why he was surprised when James played with the curls of hair falling over his forehead and said, “Love you.” 

He had said the words to Q before, but Q didn’t really know if they were the truth.  He wanted them to be.  He wanted to possess James, possess his heart and mind and body and be the only one to do so.  Could James really love two people?  And even if he did… would that ever be enough?

“Love you too, James,” Q replied, feeling his heart twist.  He meant it, of course.  He pushed his back into James and felt the larger man curl around him.  That way he wouldn’t have to look into his eyes.  Q bit back the questions and the doubts that had resurfaced.  He knew what their arrangement was.  He had agreed to it explicitly.  He only had James part-time… and it was the secret part.  Q felt a bit of bitterness creep over him even as James tightened his arms.  He loved with his whole heart, while James could only ever give him half of himself.  And he wasn’t foolish enough to think that he would ever leave Alec.  James had never promised that.  The lips against the nape of his neck felt wonderful, as did the post-coital feeling of relaxation that ran through his muscles.  It was enough.  For now.

The food in his stomach and the warmth of their skin pressed together was causing Q’s eyelids to grow heavy with sleep.  James moved to pull the blanket over both of their naked bodies, and as Q turned to kiss James sleepily, the quiet sound of a key turning in a lock broke through the near silence and caused them both to stiffen instantly in fear.  Q’s eyes flew open wide and he scrambled upward to a sitting position, pulling the blanket around him while James reached out for his Walther on the side table even though he knew who would walk through the door.  The only other person who owned a key.

 _Holy fucking shit_ , was all Q’s mind could supply, dread running through his veins, cold and sharp.  He held the blanket tightly as his mind reeled.  They were so fucked.  It was over.  It was all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil, I know. Sorry. ;-)


	6. Chapter 6

Q’s heart was in his throat as the sound of the sliding bolt echoed through the room.  He remained frozen in horror on the couch, partly hidden behind James’ broad shoulder as the agent brought the gun up to train on the door.  Q briefly reflected on the absurdity of coming home to your cheating lover pointing a gun at you and thought that perhaps he was going to die literally this time, at Alec’s hand, instead of all of the figurative little deaths he’d suffered up until this point.  The door opened and Alec walked through, thoroughly soaked from the downpour outside.

Q watched wretchedly as Alec’s handsome features slowly slid from eagerness to shock, and then to deadly anger.  James had lowered the gun and was setting it slowly down on the table, as if he were in some kind of violent hostage situation.  Alec gripped the door handle tightly, breathing heavily while his mouth worked open and closed as if he were trying to say something and was unable to get it out.  He finally slammed the door shut and Q jumped from the impact.

“Alec…” James began quietly, a hand reaching up to scrub across his face in a nervous gesture.

“Don’t you fucking dare, James,” Alec said in a quiet, furious voice.  His eyes narrowed as he swept across James and over to Q.  Q wished he could sink into the floor or perhaps disintegrate as anything would be better than that wrathful gaze and his own regret washing over himself.  Q didn’t dare say anything.  He knew it would only make things worse.  If that were even possible at this point.

James searched around for his tracksuit bottoms, pulling them on quickly.  Q snapped out of his haze to realize he only had his pants to put on.  He felt around on the floor, finally finding them and jamming his feet into the legs, Alec’s gaze boring into him all the while.  Q slung the blanket awkwardly around his shoulders and began to back away from the two men, his steps taking him closer to the bedroom, his clothes, and his exit.

“Oh my fucking God,” Alec muttered quietly, looking away from the sight of Q’s halfway naked body.  “How could you do this?  I come home a week early and see my goddamn boyfriend fucking the fucking _Quartermaster_.  On our couch.  In our flat.”  Alec’s voice began to get louder and louder, while his hands were clenching into fists tightly, the knuckles turning bone white.  “That’s my blanket, for fuck’s sake.” 

Q tripped slightly over his feet, suddenly tangled up in the corner of the blanket.  His back bumped into the wall and he shuffled along it, afraid to turn his back to the seething man, but still desperate to get away as some kind of survival instinct whirred in his mind.

“I’m sorry, Alec,” James said softly, his shoulders rolled forward and his face looking thoroughly wretched.

“Oh, you’re sorry?  You’re _sorry_.  You fucking bastard.”  Alec spat the words, and James visibly flinched.

Q had made it to the bedroom and was frantically pulling on clothes, listening to the heated words slowly becoming yells laced with a bit of hysteria.  His eyes swept the room and the messy bed, the moment seeming somewhat surreal.  This was the end of everything for him and James; this was the moment when he was losing him.  Not like he’d ever really had him in the first place.  As much as he hated seeing Alec’s face twisted in despair, Q could only feel the hole being torn through his heart.  He packed up his overnight satchel mechanically, dreading entering the living room but knowing he must as that was the only way out.

Q stood in the door frame, his feet unable to move any farther as he watched the two men.  James was now standing, walking towards Alec with hands up in a surrendering type of gesture.  Alec’s expression was softening slightly as the anger slowly ebbed away into an exhausted grief.

“Alec…” James tried again, a pleading tone edging through.  He was close enough to touch now, and he reached a hand out to graze Alec’s cheek.  Alec let him for a brief moment, his green eyes miserable.  Alec searched James’ gaze, and Q felt a dead weight in his chest as he witnessed their familiar actions.

Then something in Alec seemed to snap.  The anger reared up again and Alec pulled back to punch James square in the jaw, a sickening thud ringing out as James did not move to defend himself and was hit full on.  He staggered backward, clutching his jaw, but didn’t make a sound.  Alec turned away, dropping down on the couch heavily, his face in his hands.  His wet blonde hair hung over his forehead, his posture defeated.  After a long moment of silence he looked up, rubbing his hand over his eyes and down across his lips.

“How long?” Alec asked, his voice weak and deflated.  James was leaning against the wall now, tonguing at the side of his jaw, the pain beginning to radiate across his face.  Neither he nor Q answered.  “I think I deserve to know.”

Q decided to speak up, and save James this.  Maybe if Alec directed all of his anger at him… If he hated Q…  Maybe James would still have a chance.  “A few weeks.”  Q heard the lie come out of his mouth as if someone else had said it.  What the fuck was he thinking?

Alec was staring at his hands now.  “Why?”

James couldn’t answer.  He didn’t have an answer.  There was silence again as Alec drew in ragged breaths.

“I… I’m sorry, Alec,” Q stammered out.

“Get the fuck out of here.”  Alec didn’t even look up.  His features were drawn now, his eyes hard.

“Yeah.  Yeah, ok,” Q whispered.  As he walked slowly towards the door he gave the couch a wide berth.  When he had passed Alec his eyes turned to look up at James.  He looked absolutely wretched, his face lined with grief, one hand gingerly touching his jaw.  Their eyes met briefly, James’ misery piercing through Q’s chest.  Q opened his mouth as if to say something, but thought better of it.  He opened the door and was out it quickly and gracelessly.

As Q walked to the tube, the rain began to whip around his face and he pulled his scarf upward.  He felt completely numb, the wind biting his cheeks in a welcome sting as his eyes pricked with hot tears.  When he arrived at home he collapsed in his bed, shoes still on.  He burrowed in the blankets, feeling chilled and hollow.  He wondered what Alec was saying and if he would believe James.  He wondered if he could ever work with them again.  He wondered if James... No. Best not think of him. It was done.

He waited for the tears to flow but instead just felt nothing but emptiness, his insides gutted out.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This keeps getting longer, grr. I am hoping to have the next chapter be the final one as, honestly, I am anxious to get back to hot smexing that is angst free. Thanks for reading! You are lovely!


	7. Chapter 7

Q studiously avoided both James and Alec and, fortunately, he did not come in contact with them during the following week.  He threw himself into his work, welcoming the distraction.  The disappearance into unfeeling numbers and components was soothing, and he found his mind blissfully devoid of any painful musings.  If he was a little biting with his minions, or rather snippy to the agents whose ears he barked into, well, that was to be expected.

Alec was the first to make an appearance in Q-branch.  He was off again, this time on a solo mission.  M must have heard about their row as, clearly, he and James weren’t being sent off together.  If they ever would be again.  Q felt a twinge of guilt in that his love life was affecting national security.  In a place where secrets abounded, he knew he couldn’t be (and wasn’t) trusted and it was a disheartening feeling.  At least he hadn’t been pulled into M’s office for a scolding or worse.  It appeared that Alec had remained tight-lipped, and Q was thankful for that, at least.

Alec was ever professional as he walked through the doors.  Though he hid it well, Q could see the anger simmering just under the surface.  It was in the almost imperceptible razor-sharp edge to his voice and the slight narrowing of the eyes that he tried to lighten with a half-smile that didn’t quite sit right.  Q forced himself to return the smile, knowing it looked more like a grimace. 

“Good evening, Quartermaster,” Alec said tersely.  The venom was well-concealed, but it was there.

Q fought the urge to squirm, remembering the way Alec had spat his title at James all too recently.

“006,” Q answered softly, distinctly not looking Alec in the eye.  He fiddled with some wiring before setting it down, his palms growing sweaty.  He wiped them on his dark cardigan and stood up to grasp an envelope and a small case on his desk.  “I’ve your things here.  Travel documents.  New sidearm.  Upgraded comm system.”  Q hurried through the brief, eager to end the torment and go back to feeling numb.  He dropped the items into Alec’s hands, trying to avoid touching his skin.  Alec’s eyes bore into him while Q cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“I’ve… I’m having Sarah be your handler on this mission.  You should speak with her on your way out.”  Q nodded to the brunette technician seated at a table on his left.

Alec gave him a piercing look but said nothing, seeming to accept the change.  That was good, at least.

“I will, of course, be supervising the mission as usual.  However, Sarah is more than capable of taking care of you.”  Q struggled to make his voice sound its usual detached self.

“Fine,” Alec gritted out.  He grasped the envelope tightly and spun on his heel without another word.

Q watched the back of Alec’s head as he conversed with Sarah.  He had a bad feeling that this was how he was destined to live out the rest of his career at MI-6, in a pitiful state of mistrust and fear.  At least Alec was still working with him, albeit extremely reluctantly.  Alec's duty to his country would always win out, and for that Q was extremely grateful.  If only he could get over the debilitating guilt - an unlikely prospect.  Q picked up his wiring again, losing himself in the mundane once more.

 

Q was a bit surprised when James showed up at his door, a few days later.  The red rimmed look in James’ eyes and the tight set to his mouth didn’t surprise him, though.  Q let him in without hesitation, smelling the alcohol wafting off the man as he passed by.

James settled down on the worn couch, his leather jacket creaking while Q wordlessly poured them both a scotch.  He sat next to James, attempting to read the man and unable to do so, though he could hazard a guess as to what was churning about in his mind.  He sipped his drink, letting the liquid settle on his tongue momentarily before swallowing.  James leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, his spine rounded.  Q had never seen the strong man look so helpless. 

“He left me,” James said, quietly, his voice sounding rough.  “It was… not good.”

Q held his glass and nodded.  It was what he had suspected and expected.  He wondered what James’ last few nights had been like.  Probably rougher than his had been, and that was saying something.

“I’m sorry, James.”  Q looked downward, noting the way the ice swirled in lazy circles as it melted slowly.  It felt like it was an odd thing to sympathize with, but Q did understand.  He hadn’t wanted to break the two of them up.  He had wanted James to be happy.  He still did.

James breathed in and exhaled heavily.  He brought the glass up to his lips and downed the entire contents in one gulp.  His face twisted into a slight scowl as he swallowed, feeling the warm rush travel through his chest as the liquid made its way downward.  This seemed to give him courage as he turned to search Q’s face.

Q wasn’t sure what he felt anymore.  He had been growing used to the numbness, and this prodding at his heart was dislodging some of the more painful feelings that were buried there.  James reached out to take his hand and immediately the feelings surged upward strongly.  He struggled to hold them back, desperate to stave off the hurt.

“Q…” James breathed, the words just a whisper, tracing Q’s face with tired eyes.  They stared at each other for a long moment.  “I never meant to hurt you.”  He brushed back a lock of hair that was falling forward over Q’s forehead.  “I was selfish.”  His fingertips touched the side of Q’s glasses while Q blinked at him through his lashes.  “I’m… I’m sorry.”

Q’s throat grew thick as he took in James’ anguished expression and his clumsy fingers against his face.  He turned his head sideways, nuzzling into James’ palm, contemplating all that had transpired, wondering if his heart could stand the trampling a second time.  He knew it wasn’t even a choice, though.  He could deny this man nothing- he never could.

“I know, James.  I know.”  Q tugged him closer, wrapping his arms around him, letting James pull in shaky breaths and huff out against his shoulder and neck.  James’ arms wrapped around him so tightly that Q thought he might burst, but he found he didn’t mind at all.  He felt the flutter of hope rise up in his chest and was quickly losing the willpower to clamp it down.  He buried his face into James’ neck, breathing in the mix of soap and scotch, trying to imprint it in his memory forever.

James pulled back slightly to look at Q, unasked questions flicking across his features.  Q reached up to smooth away the lines of James' creased brow and then moved forward to press his lips tentatively against James’, tasting salt.  James’ returning kiss was cautious and unsure, as if it was his first time.  As if he was afraid Q wasn't really in front of him and loving him and wanting him.

“I don’t know… where to go from here…” James whispered, pressing their foreheads together and cupping the back of Q’s neck with both hands.  Q’s fingers moved down the strong back in smooth, soothing strokes.

“We’ll figure it out,” Q replied.  Then, nervously, he added, “If you… want to.”

James answered by moving his lips forward to capture Q’s again, this time more confident and with some desperation.  Q could feel his heart slowly being slotted back together.  The pain still seeped outward from the seams between each piece, but he was gradually becoming whole again. 

They clung to each other and, this time, it was just the two of them.  There were no secrets, no hushed declarations, no fear of being caught.  No third party hanging over them.  As Q lay pressed beneath James, orgasm quivering through his body, he felt tears prick his eyes once more.  Except now, they were from the exhausted relief of taking the leap and finally having someone there to catch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think that's it. A (somewhat) hopeful ending. Thank you so so much for reading and commenting. I love you all!


End file.
